Who We Were; Who We Are – Chapter 1

One of the biggest struggles with writing people in a romantic relationship is also finding the pieces that make up both of them and figuring out what slots with what and what particular faults and virtues they each have. How do you stop characters from blending into each other and becoming indistinct?

The aim of this particular story, from a writing perspective, is to write the perspective of two people who probably aren’t considered good necessarily in the regular sense, but are still protagonists and can get the audience to root for them. I enjoy a good story where my protagonists’ morality align with my own and all, but I also yearn for more from my stories.

Too often a narrative tries to justify a character or reframe them as something they are not. This one isn’t really an attempt to do that. It’s more to say that this is what happens when two people don’t let the world push them around, and instead push the world together. That, if anything, is the driving force behind the ‘Cruel’ tag.

I’m expecting this one to be 4-5 chapters and already have the second chapter written. It merely needs to undergo editing and betaing. This post will be updated with a link to it once it is uploaded.

(I say this knowing I have another WIP I’ve neglected and fully acknowledge needing to get right back to)

As always, constructive criticism is welcome. Queries and observations as well.

Next Chapter

General Story Warnings: giant couple, NSFW, MF/f, MF/m, MF/mf, growth, shrink, cruel, insertion, oral sex, humiliation, domination, noncon, clothes ripping, sexist slurs, former bullying and harassment, language, alcohol use, pain, established relationship.

Chapter Specific Warnings: established relationship, instant shrinking, shrunken woman, domination, sexist slurs, F/f, former bullying and harassment, slight cruelty.

Estimated Reading Time: 17 minutes


Maya never said much about her high school experience. Judging by the growing coil of tension in her shoulders as they passed a balloon archway there was a reason for that.

The gym was like any other out there: azure painted walls, high ceilings full of trapped discards balls, the sour tang of fear that followed every dodgeball class, and worn beige rubber flooring reeking of dried sweat. White track lines circled the various courts and someone had opened the windows along the upper perimeter to air out the inside. If nothing else, Hazel appreciated the fresh air. Bleachers pushed back against the wall opened up the reception area even more.

Hazel didn’t look up, despite his instincts. Tall ceilings called to his senses with silent challenges, and he already had a hard time staying within the realm of heights on a normal outing.

“You all right there?” Maya said, coming to his side after escaping conversation with the event’s photographer. “If this is too much, we can head back.”

Hazel exhaled, releasing the power he’d gathered with an effort of will. He focused on her instead.

She wore a simple strapless navy dress that showed off her pale calves and she’d done something with her chestnut hair to catch his attention every time her curls bounced. Light makeup drew attention to eyes the color of rain clouds and cheekbones he loved to trace whenever she was small.

Maya noticed his staring. “What? Is there something in my teeth?”

“Nah, just in love.” He grinned.

She pushed him, her small hand strong against his chest in his cinder gray suit. A delightful curl of pink sprouted up her neckline. It was Hazel’s favorite color in the world.

“Jerk,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “Don’t drop stuff like that on me out of the blue. You know I’ve been stressing about tonight.”

All he thought was ‘cute’, even as he answered, “Yes, dear.”

“I’m serious.” Maya looked at the already sizable crowd. People were still filtering in through the gold and silver balloon arch over the entrance, all of them stopping to pose for the photographer. Forecast predicted a cramped dance floor for the night. “I don’t even know why we came to this thing.”

“Because you wanted to show off to your old high school friends how well you’re doing?”

“I wanted to show you off.” She scrunched her nose. “Sorry, that sounds like I’m using you.”

“Don’t be,” he assured, before leaning in and whispering in her ear, “After this morning, I’d say you using me would be completely fair.”

Maya shivered and took a purposeful step back from him. “You’re incorrigible.”

Hazel chuckled and gave a showy bow. “At your service.”

The tension lining her shoulders faded.

A raucous set of high-pitched squeals and giggles pierced the early event hush, prompting everyone with a working set of ears to look over. A group of women hovered around the entrance, jumping up and down, clutching each other tight enough to leave bruises.

“Nope.” Maya muttered, “I am not dealing with her. Not tonight.”

“Friend of yours?” The thrum and pulse from the deejay’s selection rose and reverberated through the reception, but he still heard the women talking. Well, yelling.

“Ten years was too short,” Maya continued from earlier, to herself. “Twenty year reunion would’ve been better. Maybe thirty. Fuck, might as well even do fifty.” She was getting too deep in her own head again.

“Hey hun?”

“Yeah?”

Hazel pulled her into a hug, his broad arms wrapping around her and pinning her movements. She tensed and then relaxed, falling into the embrace after a second. She was a bird, small in every sense compared to him, awkward and petite, but still free in his arms.

He let her go, but not before squeezing more reassurances into her shoulders.

“Thanks.” She’d added purple highlights, and that combined with the dimmer lighting of the gym made her ethereal.

“Anytime. Want to talk about it?”

“Not a chance.” She resumed her rubbernecking, looking over at the gaggle of women with a sullen focus.

Hazel nearly asked her who she was looking for when she jerked and did an about-face.

“Come on,” she said, ushering him away and toward the drinks table.

“O… kay?” Maya was a hair above five two, almost a foot shorter than him, but Hazel let her drag him away. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Not a chance,” she said tersely. “Just someone I haven’t talked to in a while. I want to keep it that way.”

Hazel thought the point of a high school reunion was to talk to people you hadn’t seen in years, but who was he to judge? He’d skipped out on his own last year. “Maya?”

She didn’t respond and kept pulling him away.

They passed a group of loud hooting men, who Hazel could only assign the roles of former football team members in his head. They had the same stances and overall shape. Some wore suits, but most just sported their nicest pants and what Hazel could only call car salesmen ties. Boisterous, arrogant, each of them looked like extras for B-list action movies.

One took notice and pointed at Maya. “Hey, ain’t that Slutty Mary’s girl?”

Maya froze in her tracks. War drums burst to life in Hazel’s ears, but he’d promised he wouldn’t do anything without her say so. Tonight was her night.

“The fuck?”

“Shit man, no way.”

“Can’t be she’s way too—”

“Hot?”

“No!” said the idiot. This one had a neck like a Mack pickup, and a sunburnt balding pate. “She’s too clean. You guys remember her, yeah? She always had really oily hair and looked fuckin’ gross, like she was sick or something. And she was blonde.”

One of his buddies elbowed him, grinning like a sleaze. “You would know wouldn’t ya? South stairwell, right? How was she?”

The two men engaged in a shoving match more akin to something from Animal Planet.

Maya’s shoulders bunched up. Her face lowered so her bangs shadowed her face and she let go of Hazel’s hand. The war drums in his ears faded to make way for explosions.

“—sides, you remember what happened to her, right? She got sent up to St. Carson’s after that shit with Mr. Tannen—”

Hazel side-eyed them, a not-human snarl rising his throat. His power waited, drifting just below the surface of his skin, ready to answer his call if he so wished. One snap of his fingers and the former football star would lose at least six inches after tonight. If Hazel was generous.

But Mr. Stereotype wasn’t a priority.

“Maya,” Hazel whispered, coming up beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “What gives? Come on, talk to me, love.”

“It’s nothing,” she said, not facing him. He could hear the tears building up.

“Don’t sound like nothing.” He stepped in front of her, grabbed her hands, and opted for a tactic that never failed to garner a reaction. “Come on, you and me. On top of the world, remember?”

It wasn’t just a cheesy line. It was an invitation.

She snorted. “We’re in public.”

He grinned and lifted her chin. “Never stepped us before.”

“Those were empty fields and forests. Far away from others.” She still looked to the side, ashamed.

“I mean, yeah, at the start.” Hazel conceded her point with a nod. “Not sure how anything can be far when we get to that size though. Are you saying you haven’t thought about it tonight?” His eyes cut over to the group of simpletons engaging in another verbal dick-measuring contest. “Or what about the opposite? Anyone you feel could be more humble?”

She choked out a laugh and stopped averting his gaze.

There were tears in her eyes. The Jackass over there just got promoted to Supreme Jackass. His power bristled, irritated at the leash holding it back, but Hazel held on. There were benefits to patience.

“Not tonight,” Maya said, seeing his expression. She looked over at the group of men, who’d moved on in topic, heedless of her actual state after being called out. “We’re not doing that tonight, not yet anyway. I wanted to bring you here, dance with you, and maybe catch up with some old friends.”

He wondered if she caught the ‘yet’ she added in the middle there.

“So I’m guessing not mister football captain over there?”

“No, god no.” Maya gave him a curious look. “How’d you know Tyler was captain?”

“Too much of a cliché,” Hazel answered wryly. “That and they’re all wearing their team rings. Not to mention… ”

“Not to mention?” she pressed.

“It’s not a nice answer.”

Maya stepped in close, wrapping her arms around his midsection. Despite their different statures, Hazel got weak-kneed response every time she did this. Clearly, her mood had improved.

“I didn’t marry you because you’re nice,” Maya said. The tightness in her face slackened. “I married you because you’re mine.”

He saw the echoes of her laughter from earlier that day, when she’d spent it in his boxers being a brat, all while he tossed her around with ease. Despite their difference in power, he would have no one else at his side. From the second she walked into his life, he was completely and utterly fucked. In more ways than one.

“Fine, fine.” He rolled his neck and shrugged. If his suit was more snug along the shoulders, well, who would believe it other than Maya? “They just look like they peaked in high school.”

Maya slapped his arm, as if scolding him, but he didn’t miss the way her lips quirked upwards in the ghost of a smile.

“You’re going to be like this all night, aren’t you?” she mused. They found a solitary standing table already covered with the crumbs of cheap hors d’oeuvres. They stood on the outskirts, observing the gathering, apart and still within the growing throng of people. “Just being a complete nuisance. Hiding your little growth spurts whenever you think I won’t notice.”

His response was to put his hands on her waist and lift her. Maya yelped, squeaking at him to put her down. He spun her in the air, conscious of the eyes of every bystander, guest and organizer there. The music was now loud enough to drown out regular conversation, but a man spinning a woman like she was lighter than air attracted attention, music or not.

He put her down, having drifted several feet to the side, in the middle of the dance floor. Maya was laughing, breathless, that tantalizing, gorgeous pink blooming across her cheeks, asking him, daring him to do more.

“Guilty.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Every time I see you getting down, I’ll be there, being a terrible influence.” He smirked. “Such as now, see anyone that ever pissed you off?”

“Of course.“ Maya raised a brow and grabbed him by the elbow, dragging him back to their spot on the outskirts. “There’s this guy: tall, dark-haired, lean, kind of scruffy, standing right next to me.”

“I like him already.”

“He’d be cute too, if he didn’t open his mouth.”

“Love you too, dear, but seriously—”

“Oh! My! God~! Maya?” cut in a voice. “Is that Maya Mendoza I see? C’mere girlfriend!”

Maya looked pained. Before he could react a willowy blonde wearing a peach, strapless dress weaved through the burgeoning crowd of alumni and all but yanked her into one of those hugs made to hurt.

“Oh sweetie!” said the woman, pulling back. She had the plastic smile Hazel would expect from a wax mannequin. “How ya been, you poor thing? Goodness me, when I heard you got sent up with the sisters at St. Carson’s I could not believe it! Y’know I was all for marching right on up there and givin’ ‘em a piece of my mind and—”

“Hi Chloe,” Maya said, interrupting her and extricating herself from the woman’s claws. “Good to see you too. Yeah, no, I didn’t get sent to Carson’s. I actually got into Corrain, funny enough. You remember, your first choice? Oh wait, you knew about that. I won that scholarship, after all.”

Chloe face twitched. It was an experience to watch, all nerves and muscles responding artificially to incorrect stimulus and somehow scrambling to form a response other than a sneer.

“How’s your mother, dear?” Chloe tried this time, her voice still sweet enough to give him diabetes. “Is she still trying to sleep her way onto City Council over in Clearwater Falls? You know no one’s going to vote for her after daddy exposed her business like that. After all, whores don’t know how to be anything but whores.”

Maya stared at the woman with a blank expression for a good thirty seconds. It was thirty seconds too long in Hazel’s opinion but it gave him plenty of time to unlock the mental seals and unlatch the door to his power. If someone had thought to, they’d notice the dry and static taste of a storm on the horizon.

“Hey Hazel?” Maya said, addressing him while staring Chloe down. “I change my mind. This one.”

For all that she reigned him in, Maya was the one who often jumped off that cliff first.

Hazel cracked his neck and took off his blazer. Stupid thing was expensive, and he didn’t want to chance mystical splashback. “How small?”

“Remember Paris?”

His raised his eyebrows, surprised despite the flint and matchstick nature of the situation. “Not sure if I should feel jealous or horny. She’s gonna be a yapper, judging by the bitchy chic dress.”

Maya’s smile sent shivers up his spine. “Good.”

“Excuse me, I am right here,” Chloe interjected. She sounded more irritated with being ignored than the insult. “Who the hell do you think you are, you little hussy, you can’t just—”

Hazel snapped his fingers. At the same time a thunderous boom coincidentally exploded from the speakers set up around the building, drawing everyone’s attention away from the sudden ‘pop’ of air rushing to fill a person-shaped vacuum.

A smaller ‘pop’ followed and there on the table in front of them stood a miniaturized version of Chloe. The woman stumbled as if drunk from the sudden displacement and now struggled to find her balance in a world much more unaccommodating of her than before.

“Wha… ?” Chloe looked around, supporting herself against an electric candle in the center of the table. It was about the size of a solo cup, but more than twice her height. “What’s going on?”

The pitch of her voice had risen. She was larger than he’d left Maya most of the day, but Maya was fond of nestling into his boxers when she was stressing out about something. She enjoyed it when he overwhelmed her body with the most casual of motions, mere breaths or unconscious twitches. It soothed her to be so close and so small.

Maya slammed her hand down on the table next to Chloe. The impact shook the surface and sent the tiny woman sprawling.

“Hey Chloe,” Maya drawled. “How’s it going, girlfriend?”

With one hand blocking any interloper’s view, she finger-walked her other hand over to the tiny woman. Chloe scrabbled back, squeaking, kicking uselessly with a set of heels whose material to cost ratio had just gone through the roof.

Hazel clenched and released a fist, feeling the cuff of his dress shirt pull at his wrist. He still wasn’t used to precision: his shirt was no longer snug, but painful, cutting into his circulation along his neck. Carefully, he released his cuffs, rolling the sleeves up his now bulging forearms and almost popping the top button from his shirt as he fiddled with it for some air.

“Careful,” Maya said, shooting his arms an appreciative glance before rounding back on the shrunken Chloe. “Any more of that and I’m not responsible for what I do to you.”

Without missing a beat she poked Chloe, knocking her down, and then pinning her to the tablecloth with a pinky. She rolled the woman around, back and forth, like a cat toying with its prey. It was a small action, but he saw from Chloe’s disheveled expression that this was most she’d ever been tossed around.

Fuck, he was getting hard just watching them.

The bottom of Chloe’s dress—a tight peach-colored sheath that looked good on her—ripped. It rode up her thigh as she continued a useless struggle against Maya’s hands. She took a breath during a break in the tussle, filled her lungs, and arched her back, readying for a scream fit for a final girl.

“Hush now.” Maya said, smirking, sapping little Chloe’s strength with just her words. She leaned her elbow on the table, hovering over Chloe like a gorgeous kaiju. One hand twirled a stray purple-tipped lock while the other came down again, pressing the tiny woman’s stomach with a finger. “For once in your life, you’re going to listen. Listen and behave.”

Chloe fought even harder. She couldn’t budge Maya’s finger.

“Is there anywhere we can go for a moment of privacy?” he asked Maya. The gym was almost full, and people were spreading out, joining up with old cliques and rediscovering how much or how little everyone moved with their lives. “I’m gonna need a moment to shrink down, and it’s getting kind of, uh, hard to focus watching you toy with her.”

Maya scooped Chloe into her palm.

“There’s always the southern stairwell.” Maya mused. She pinched Chloe around the middle between two fingers, squinting at the expression the little woman was making. “Bet you’d know all about it, wouldn’t you, Chlo? It’s kind of gross, though. Most schools are. How about the library?”

It was taking everything he had not to burst out of his clothes and that was only because he liked this outfit.

“Honey, we can go to a custodial closet for all I care. I just need to get out of here before I—” power surged and his shoes, once comfortable, encroached in on his feet like a bear trap. He groaned and failed to think small thoughts.

Maya blinked, as if waking from a trance, and looked at him properly. “Holy crap, Hazel, how are you still fitting into that?”

“Hard work and determination,” he gritted out. He’d altered his clothing to allow personal growth, but there was only so much before fabric tore and he got blisters because his shoes were cutting into his ankles. “Small or big as you want her to be, I swear, but we need to leave. Library. Now.”

“Alright, alright, but I want some time with you mister before you come down and join the rest of us mortals.”

“Are you talking about—”

“What can I say?” Maya shrugged, tossed Chloe up in the air and caught her. A brief shriek punctuated the shrunken woman’s fall, before disappearing into an inescapable fist. “It’s on my bucket list.”


Next Chapter

Lotus Eater

This was my entry for the quarterly SizeRiot contests – specifically GentleApril20 – organized by AborigenGTS. I was a lot more experimental with this one (at least from my perspective) so when I received the feedback that I did and saw that it did rather well in the evaluations, I was floored and humbled.

Link to SizeRiot

Link to GentleApril20 Stories

I’ve added around 180 extra words to this story, and have modified some existing lines based on some feedback I received, along with input from my wife. The original version can still be found at the link above, and if you haven’t read the stories, I highly recommend looking through them. This go ’round seemed to hit me particularly intensely and I’m so happy to have had the pleasure of reading through these.

For this story in particular, with the topic being “Rescue”, I spent a long time deliberating how I wanted to approach it. In a lot of media, whenever there is any situation needing a ‘rescue’, often times the rescuee is often the one subject to change, rather than an agent of it. I wanted to make it clear that Cana wasn’t just caught in tides and eddies of something larger than her, but that she was an active participant in her fate.

There comes a point with writing that I want to add too much to a story. Most of my original drafts are often bloated with description and dialogue, so I find that I have to pick and choose the most impactful lines to fit a scene. This story could have existed as something much larger, and its original incarnation was something like 4K~ words, but in trimming it down to meet the word count, I was able to pick out the sections that I feel delivered the best story I could. It’s better as a shorter story, than a longer one, which is a lesson I try to take to heart.

Content Warning: giantess, F/f, gentle, NSFW, giantess, failed relationship, gaslighting, language, nudity, panic attack, rescue, ambiguous ending

Estimated Reading Time: 10 minutes


The surface she’d been lying on rose and fell in smooth, rolling motions, in time with the waves.

Her world looked down at her with a beatific smile. “You with me, Cana?”

“Always.”

Orphea started humming something: some ancient song that dug deep into Cana’s spirit and brought light to the surface like bubbles in a bath. Cana laughed and stood up from her lover’s navel. Soon she was dancing, diving into the languid melody with her body and halfway to heaven.

“You’re very good,” Orphea said after what felt like hours of dancing. Hours or centuries. Cana collapsed and draped herself along a thigh that stretched from the tree line to shore.

Cana shrugged lethargically and turned over on her side. Orphea’s corded muscle was comfier than any mattress. The corner of her mouth was sticky with the remains of some fruit she couldn’t remember eating.

“What do you want to do today?” Orphea ran a finger along her back and Cana shivered at the ember warm touch. “Anything my special girl feel like doing?”

“Special?”

Orphea, her world, cooed, “You’re my special girl, aren’t you?”

“You’re going to spoil me.”

“That would imply you could ever be anything but adorable.” Orphea’s palm settled over Cana like a blanket. “Why are you arguing?”

Cana shook her head, digging her face into the sun-kissed tan of her lover’s massive leg. Stray sand pricked at her eyes. “I’m not. I’m just… happy.”

She smelled like the ocean. Like salt and sun and a sea so vast Cana could get lost in her for eternity.

“What’s wrong with that?” Orphea said. “Don’t you deserve to be happy?”

Cana closed her eyes, listening to the whispers of the reef. Nightfall wasn’t far.

Fingers the size of logs scooped her up into a palm, but Cana wasn’t startled. Enormous lips settled on her body, gentle as a flower’s petal. The kiss was otherworldly soft and caring and Cana giggled drunkenly on the endorphin high of affection.

When she pulled back, Orphea was beaming. “I love you, little bird.”

Heat bloomed in Cana’s chest at the words, followed by a tightness in her belly.

“Cana?” Orphea frowned, brow knitting together. “Are you with me?”

Cana shook her head and wiped away sudden and unbidden tears. Orphea looked distant, too distant. Even sitting in her palm surrounded by her, it didn’t change the mysterious pang and wrench in her heart.

“…always,” Cana said eventually.

The concern in Orphea’s eyes abated. She stroked Cana’s head with her thumb before offering a leafy branch, daintily pinched between two fingers. Golden yellow fruit hung from its leaves.

Cana plucked one. It glistened with a lovely, enticing sheen and tasted even better than it looked. Slick fruit juice dribbled down the side of her mouth and her vision swayed.

The world felt so big. She felt so safe.

Eons passed and she laid there, content and dazed. Everything was perfect.

***

“Cana?”

Cana ignored it, curling up and digging her head into her arms.

The voice tried again, more insistent. “Cana, wake up.”

She groaned, aimlessly shooing the voice away.

“Cana, you need to wake up right now…”

***

Life with Orphea was a treasure. It was waking at dawn and rising with the moon and always fitting time in moments when nothing was happening. Cana couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t have a fruit in her hand and a giantess around to tease her.

“Join me!” Orphea called, winking at Cana, who approached the newly discovered lake with a suspicious eye. “Come on! Someone’s been making me work up a surprising amount of sweat lately.”

“Is it safe?” Cana asked, but couldn’t help how her eyes drew to the way water sluiced down a thigh many times larger than any tree around. She could take a shower in just the runoff from Orphea’s body.

“I’ll keep you safe.”

***

A hand grabbed her shoulder. Cana’s eyes shot open at the foreignness of the sensation. A woman knelt over her. A regular woman.

She had her hair up in a bun, had some kind of jumpsuit, and she looked off in that most crucial of ways.

“Hey,” said the woman, smiling. She sounded relieved. “Good to see you, little bird. Thanks for coming up.”

Tears pooled in Cana’s eyes.

***

She and Orphea stared at a never-ending sunset, burning a trail down the horizon and their corneas. She sat cross-legged in Orphea’s lap, the heat of her lover’s body protecting her from night’s encroaching chill.

She felt…worn. Which was expected, given the day’s activities, but it went deeper than just the mild stickiness and delicious relief everywhere in her limbs. Four times may not have been a lot to some, but it was a point of pride of Cana’s that this time it was all unassisted. Her body ached with something like satisfaction but far more delicious.

“Do you think you’ll ever get tired of me?” Cana asked.

“Oh Cana,” Orphea cooed, above her. “How could I ever get tired of you? Now come here, I think you need a tongue bath for that mess you made…”

Cana jumped to her feet, leaping off from the lap of a woman who could run laps around a small country.

“You’ll have to catch me first!”

***

“You can’t be here.” Cana scrabbled backwards, away from the aberration, kicking up sand. It was nighttime. The wind had stopped. The sea was still. The island was asleep. “You can’t. This is wrong. This is— no, you’re wrong.”

The woman looked like Orphea. She had the same general features—deep auburn hair, round face, cupid’s bow lips, and a mole just below her left eye—but the similarities ended there. Orphea’s expression was always kind, her mouth never held anything but smiles. This stranger’s mouth was pursed thin, and her eyes were hard.

Imperfections that accented a nightmare.

“I’m here,” the woman said, as if that made it better. “Cana, sweetie, I’m here.”

“You left,” Cana accused. “You left.”

Orphea—no, not Orphea, Cana reminded herself—grimaced. “I’m sorry. I…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know we left on a bad note but…we weren’t good for each other.”

“That doesn’t make it better!”

The woman flinched, but took a step closer anyways. “It makes me human.”

Cana snarled at the blasé retort. Words she’d thought long forgotten rose to the tip of her tongue, ready to spew. They were words reserved for someone who’d always made her feel worthless. Made her feel like nothing, like she never mattered.

“I’m sorry,” said the fake. “I’m sorry I said those things, but we can’t stay here, Cana. This place isn’t right–”

“Then leave!” Cana spat. She grabbed a rotting fruit from her branch and lugged it at her, missing by a mile. Her muscles shrieked at the sudden, violent motion but Cana paid them no mind. “Leave like you did before! Leave like you did when I bared my soul to you, told you about every fucked thought that’s ever crossed my head, about my fantasies, about how I—” here her voice broke, and Cana cursed her weakness to follow through.

***

“You’re incredibly small,” Orphea said one day, out of the blue. “Do you ever get tired of that? It must be awfully inconvenient.”

Cana giggled and bit into the jujube fruit in her hand, smearing sweet juices along her cheeks but emboldening the pervasive tipsy glow beneath her chest. Her brown hair was long and tangled, and her face hadn’t seen a makeup brush in forever, but still she felt precious. Precious and treasured on this isle of nothing, surrounded by a single woman.

“It would be,” Cana said, before running along the branch of the enormous tree that extended out over the lower back of the only woman for her, jumping off without a thought. She was over fifty feet in the air, and still she felt no fear. Air rushed past her face as she reached near terminal velocity, and—

“Careful!” Orphea scolded, turning over and catching her so gently it defied all logic.

“But I know you’ll always be there for me.”

***

“Leave,” she croaked. Her voice cracked with thirst and heartbreak as she continued. “Please. I— I don’t want to see you again.”

Where was Orphea? She wanted Orphea.

“That’s not fair,” the fake said. She looked wretched, leagues better than Cana felt. “You can’t just throw this stuff back in my face. That was a long time ago.”

Was it? Cana could scarcely remember things outside of earlier that morning. That pleasurable haze of rock-climbing up the rump of her enormous lover, diving into that bush between two legs that parted to reveal treasure more precious than any pearl. Of singing and dancing in the flat of her palm, singing words that had no meaning for the one who meant everything.

“You have to leave,” Cana asserted weakly once more.

“Cana, sweetie, I’m right here. I came back!” said the fake. “I’m sorry about before. I’m sorry I was so insensitive, but you’re in trouble if you stay here much longer.” Something in her chest pocket beeped and the woman made a face. “Look, just stay right here. I need to send up the signal to get home and the longer I wait—”

Cana stood and turned away from her. She suddenly felt ashamed in front of this woman. She barely even remembered the idea of clothing before now, but she wanted to hide now. Hide her self, her body from this creature who rejected her once before.

A series of low toned buzzes and beeps, along with rushed codified terms from the woman that Cana couldn’t catch in its entirety.

She tried storming off but stopped due to a sudden onset of vertigo. She fell to her knees, skin prickling with dislike.

“What did you do to her?!” she rasped, and then called out, “Orphea! Orphea!”

Cana coughed. Her head was stuffed with cotton, her arms and legs filled with cement.

“Christ. This is what I’m talking about,” muttered the fake. She walked up next to Cana and plopped down beside her, knees up and facing the sea. Another difference struck Cana: this woman didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s this place. Your dreams. Lotus Syndrome.”

“Shut. Up.” Cana breathed in hard through the tears and gasped once again, “Orphea!”

The fake shot her a twisted, yet familiar expression. Pity. “You’re dreaming, Cana. There’s no one here but us.”

“You’re—” she coughed, “—lying.

“I’m the only one around.” The fake lit up a cigarette, pulling it and a lighter out from some chest pocket in her suit. “And you would not believe the crap I had to go through to get here. Tests, training, brain dives… you’ve got a real fucked up head, you know that? Signal’s been sent by the way. We’re going home.”

Cana sobbed, robbed of her energy in this most sacred of places.

“I’m really sorry about before,” the fake continued, not even referring to what. “But when I heard you got hit with Lotus Syndrome, I couldn’t just leave you.”

“I was happy. I am happy.”

“Oh honey.” The thing in Orphea’s skin sounded earnest and condescending. “You’re sick. I’m sorry me leaving did this to you.”

Cana would have laughed if she wasn’t choking on air. The sweetness from before was gone, along with Orphea.

“Don’t worry, things are going to be rough up there, but—” and here the woman had the gall to smile, and pat her on the head comfortingly, as if she had the right, “—we’ll make it through this, little bird. Together. Are you with me?”

“Never!”

The woman jerked her hand back from the outburst.

“We were together!” Cana yelled, “We were! But then you called me a fucking sicko and you left and now you’re back and I’m supposed to just accept that? What, did the guilt suddenly get too much?” She snorted derisively. “Did they promise to fix the sicko’s fetish for you too if you jumped in her head?”

Her breaths came like sucking down a gas pipe of frustration, but still she fought against her body, at the feeling of reality shackling her. She clawed desperately at the ground, digging into the beach for something other than useless sand. It couldn’t end like this.

“Cana, you don’t think that,” said the fake, as if she thought this was a conversation. “It’s just the disease. We’re real deep in your subconscious right now and—”

There. Her fingers found purchase on something soft and buried. She clenched her hand instinctively around it and yanked it out.

The fake stopped talking, and swore.

“Cana,” said the fake. She sounded wary. “Put that down. It’s not actually there. You’re mind is just supplying a substitute for—”

Cana bit down. It was rotten, mushy and disgusting to the core, but the pit seed still had some juice, and she whimpered as she realized what it was. What it always tasted like.

Orphea.

***

“So what do you want to do today, little bird?”